- 1) Self-revelation of an unconscious bias is the best way to address it and overcome it. It’s like the old AA adage. You have to acknowledge there’s a problem first.
- 2) I was about to defend my use of the Yiddish word Shiksa, thinking it was non-pejorative, but in doing a quick search to confirm that I found out that, indeed, according to Princeton University’s “WordNet” it is “a derogatory term used by Jews to refer to non-Jewish women.” So, #2 is either a ‘never mind’ or an added lesson-beware of using words you have heard from another language if you don’t understand the full meaning/connotations of them. (Note that I don’t use it again, now that I know.)
Back to my revelation of my unconscious bias, since removed, against beautiful, tall skinny, women with long blonde hair. (Previously viewed as the opposite of short, weight challenged Jewish girls with frizzy, dark hair.) It has happened twice in the past two weeks.
The first was at a “Girls Night Out” wine tasting at a friend’s, where I ended up sitting next to my friend’s oldest friend who was…you guessed it, tall, skinny and blonde. We got into a conversation about institutional inequities and unconscious bias (wonder who brought that up!) and it turns out she was raised by a single mom in a mostly African American neighborhood, and she was talking about how strange it was to go to family gatherings with her husband and his family, because of the lack of diversity and sense of entitlement that drove their orientation to life. I’m sorry…what did you say?
The second was with a social worker at my son’s school. Not only is she adorable, tall, skinny and blonde, but she has the cutest clothes you’ve ever seen. “I bet she’s really sweet and won’t help my child,” I concluded at first glance. Shame on you! I found out in conversation that she’s an anthropologist, spent a year or more working in Zimbabwe, and applies this incredible depth and perspective to her work with children at the school. So, now I want to be her best friend, but she probably won’t agree because I’m such an A-hole!
In relaying some of these conversations to my dad, he said “Did you say ‘You say such deep things for looking so shallow.” Well, it sounds kind of obvious when you put it that way.
I like to say that “practice makes perfect.” And, in Intercultural Communications, the practice of empathic listening and speaking with “I” statements can drive interactions in ways that force you to confront unconscious bias. And, while it’s uncomfortable at the moment of revelation, a new level of understanding, appreciation and opportunity follows.
Come on…don’t let me have all the fun. Discover any unconscious biases of your own, lately?
Photo credit merwing
